there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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