there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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