just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
