literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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