Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Don't make out with my wife yet
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
