How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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