Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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