You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
