you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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