cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
nutella sex= disaster
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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