I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
