So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
