I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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