I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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