Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
