based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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