You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
