I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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