i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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