so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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