i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
