Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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