u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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