I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
