Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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