oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm passing your future prison.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
