Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
