I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Even my vagina gasped.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
