Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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