I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
