He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
