You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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