i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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