I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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