its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
