Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
