Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The feeling are messing with the penis
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
