I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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