Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dicks are not precious.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
