can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
