Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
