I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
