why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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