i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Welp...herpes.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
