watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
