I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
