my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
