fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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