Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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