Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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