I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
