I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
