Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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