So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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