My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
