i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
