but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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