i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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