apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
