Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
