Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
