i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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