Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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