Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
birth control should be required to get into college
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
