I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
