brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
