he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
