Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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