Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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