Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
