I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
