ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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