i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
