im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
