so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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