Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
