hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Everyone says I win the strip club
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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