me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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