the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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