You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
