I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
